I was reading an article in the business section of the paper the other day and the article was stating that most people need to have saved double their income by the age of 35 to have a comfortable future. Looking at my current circumstances it is all but a dream for me as the last 18 months have been a financial struggle…

Last year (2017) January, we found out my husband’s employer was closing the company so that meant my husband’s employment was going to come to an end. It was so unexpected as we had just gotten married and spent a lot of money on our honeymoon as we didn’t have a wedding, thinking we will recoup all the money we had spent by working hard and saving again. Unknown to us,  life would throw several curve balls during this time. Husband decided he wanted to start his own business – he has a vision and wants to give this a ‘real go’. To say I was afraid is an understatement. I am still afraid, today he is still working on the business and there has been no profit, there have been promising opportunities that have fallen through because they just fell through. I have been watching the savings account chip away, ever so slowly. I am suffering from intense financial insecurity. Are we making the right decision? Will we be okay? Do I have to continue being the bread winner in a work environment I truly no longer desire to be in? I have no choice, I have to be supportive of my husband as he chases after this dream that he believes in. I know he would do the same thing for me. Financial fear puts a lot of strain in a relationship. In the beginning I didn’t know how to support him, I was completely and utterly self obsessed, worried about what people think of me. I still do, I’m not going to lie, but I remember that people’s opinions do not mean anything, they don’t pay our rent, they don’t feed us – we do we are doing this all on our own. I can not control the future, I do not know what is going to happen in the future, what I have is today. I may be able to save double my income by the age of 35 or I may not, who is to say?

All I know is that right now I am supporting my husband, and as scary as it may be, that’s what marriage is about – supporting each other’s dreams and trusting each other. As I said those vows, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part”, I never in my life imagined that one day I would have to remind myself that I made a promise to go through these trials and tribulations together. But I trust in the universe, the law of nature; when one door closes, surely another one will open. Everything happens for a reason, and for the last 18 months we have been living, never going without, because the universe has been providing for us. So when I have moments of fear like today I have to allow myself to feel the fear and realize that the fear I feel shall pass as feelings are fickle, just like what we are currently experiencing – it too shall pass. Life is funny that way, there are ups and there are downs – it’s in the down moments that I have to ask the universe: “what am I going to learn from this experience”.

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