I didn’t want to write this and put it out in world because of shame. Deep seeded shame that I tried something I have never tried before and I failed. Not only failed, I failed DISMALLY… I was so embarrassed beyond belief…
So I have always ALWAYS wanted to roller skate. I remember when I was young I obsessed with roller skating. Mind you, this was back in the 90s in Africa, I only dreamed I would own a pair and glide on the streets of Mutare… Alas that was not meant to be – I was never to own a pair or even learn to skate; until now.
Early this year I completed a vision-board with all things I have wanted to learn and accomplish so on and so forth. Roller skating was one of them. I wasn’t sure how to go about it, but after some research I found that Auckland has a skate rink; Skateland. To top it off, I then discovered that Skateland offers early morning weekend skate lessons for 45 minutes at the extraordinary price of $10NZD including renting the skates! I booked myself in and decided to give it a go; and the rest is history.
To say I was nervous is an understatement. I was also having second thoughts about looking like a fool (which I inevitably did). Despite these feelings I reluctantly paid for the lesson. I was not going to give up; like I always do when things get too difficult (I dump them in the ‘too hard basket’). However despite my best intentions, things started going down hill the moment I arrived.
There were so many children everywhere with their parents, and I was the ONLY ADULT learning. I started to feel really self conscious; here I was surrounded by young children. To top it off I would hold up the lesson; because I moved incredibly s-l-o-w-l-y; that I had the little kids sigh impatiently behind me… To top it off (even more) my skating teacher was 14 years old. As my self esteem plummeted even further onto the skate rink floor; my EGO flared up, that I decided to give up and unsteadily rolled myself off the floor; with my self esteem tailing behind me. I had had enough and unwilling to continue humiliating myself; 15 minutes into my 45 minute lesson.
As I sat on the side lines unlacing the skates; my husband and a kind stranger both encouraged me keep going and not to give up. I could have walked out and left it all behind; who cares right? In that moment I had a choice either to give up or to give up some more. Pushing through I decided to keep going; going against my natural instinct – flight! The whole purpose is not only to learn a new skill; but it is about learning about myself – what makes me tick. As painful and traumatic as it was; I didn’t die, I got through it even though I felt emotionally drained after the whole experience.
After my skating debacle; all I wanted was to spend the day emotionally recuperating. After spending the afternoon holed up in bed, wallowing in embarrassment, husband decided it was enough and I needed to join society – by going out to karaoke! I have to say karaoke was fantastic and worth it.
We headed off to Luxury Karaoke located in Auckland CBD, for $30NZD for an hour in a private box. Best way to ease oneself into the karaoke game; no one could hear how bad we sounded! It actually was a really good time. The only issue I really had was that microphones did not have sanitary covers… and there is nothing ‘luxury’ about it. In the end nothing bad enough to stop one from having fun and sing lifes’ stresses away.
After feeding my soul, we fed our bodies, tried a new restaurant of Queen street and checked out the Auckland night market.
Unknown to me the entire day was about self care (being good to myself); especially the roller skating.
I took time out to be good to myself and meeting my own needs; because I matter. This whole experience taught me:
- I can’t continue to beat myself up; being so hyper critical of myself does me no favours. I have a choice to be loving towards myself (this will be a process but I can start somewhere.
- Accepting that I don’t have to know how to do everything; I have to start somewhere and the world is not going to burn down!
- Most importantly I took a step in the process of developing; small steps at a time.
It may not have been the amazing experience I envisioned BUT I went through it and learnt more about myself. Will I go back? Of course!